John Ortberg with Rick Blackmon talking about marriage.
What is the hardest thing about marriage?
Difference. Without a doubt. We become more different the longer we are married. The time we are least different is when we start out, but we become more different as time goes on. Difference is gender, background, personality and values.
As difference happens, then so does conflict. And Rick’s job is about repair. If someone wants to avoid conflict, he tells them they have come to the wrong place, but if they want to repair, if they want to do good quality repair, then he can help.
Ortberg then talks about the presence of sin in a relationship.
Blackmon uses the acronym CRAFT to talk about relationships. He says that the difference and learning to live with it is the biggest factor in a relationship. You cannot have a relationship without difference, and possibly the time we are least different is when we get married, and we become more different as we get older. In such times, difference will lead to conflict, and conflict can lead to good quality repair.
C – Conversation mode, stay out of the bird brain (the reactive core) and get into the cortex. This often requires calming down and taking space. These are the Proverbs references
R – Remember, remember the times of conflict and remember that you will not remember them in the same way.
A- Is about accepting difference, the Hilary Clinton thing I think is in here
F – Forgiveness – two kinds of sorry, Oops and Genuine sorry, good set of things here about things that we have to say sorry for because of bad intention (round about 23 minutes).
Then says we are good at saying sorry but not so good at forgiving. Gets people to say “I forgive you to each other”
T – Transformation – that this is part of how we change